procrastination

By jennifer Posted in Academia, Graduate School

Growing up, I was always told not to wait to the last minute.  Procrastination was a sign of laziness or not planning properly — both of which were not allowed.  I’ve always been good about meeting deadlines and even working on drafts and getting thing in early.  If I wasn’t ahead of schedule, that meant I was behind.

As I’ve gotten older and my schedule less deadline-driven, I’ve had a harder time always staying on task.  I find myself putting off the most unpleasant tasks — tasks that aren’t necessary hard or time-consuming, but mostly just emotionally draining.  And that draining often comes from fear of failing.  Whether it’s emailing a committee member or turning in a draft of a book review, that persistent, nagging fear of rejection continues to haunt me.  There was actually a point in my life where my heart started pounding and a pit began developing in my stomach just opening my email.  Because, let’s face it, no good news comes through email.

If anyone has advice about overcoming fear / handling procrastinating tendencies, I’d be very appreciative.  One valuable piece of wisdom that helps me: you’ll spend more time worrying about the task then it’ll take to actually complete it.  The crazy thing is that sometimes, even after I’ve completed the task, I’ll still find myself worrying about doing it.  That’s the worse…

growth

By jennifer Posted in Academia, Graduate School

One of the greatest things about grad school is that everyday you get a little bit closer to learning who you really are. You get closer to the truth of what you like, what your habits are, what you lack, and what you need to improve on. It’s a long-term growth period during which you’re aware that you are developing not just your brain, but your personality and your values. It happens at a critical time right after college (or soon after, in my case), which is important because I think that too often people think that college is your time to grow and explore, when really it’s just the beginning of the ripening. There’s so much more development and personal blossoming that still needs to happen, and I doubt that you’ll have much success unfurling in a 9-5 job in a corporate system.

And maybe that’s the real problem. That there’s a major period of growth in college that’s not followed up by further growth, but that’s then shaped into whatever society perceived its needs to be. And by society, of course, I mean the corporate structure that governs this U.S. situation that I’ve been growing up in. I’m grateful that I’ve never really contributed through work to the corporate structure. I’ve spent the majority of my time working for non-profits, not-for-profits (there is a difference!), universities, and museums.

Yes, I might have trouble motivating myself to write sometimes or second-guessing my decisions to go to grad school (who hasn’t?!?), but in the end, no matter what happens, PhD in hand or not, I am truly grateful for having this time and provocation to think, write, read, and grow.

 

1 / 25: extremely loud & incredibly close

By jennifer Posted in 25/25

As the first film of my 25 / 25 challenge, I watched Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close — a film that I had rented on iTunes and was about to expire, so the timing couldn’t have been better.  I had read this book a while ago and really enjoyed the protagonist’s voice in the novel — a voice that the filmmakers attempted to capture apparently by directing the boy to open his eyes extremely wide.  As usual in a novel-to-film interpretation, a lot was lost in translation, including the whole backstory about his grandmother & grandfather’s relationship, which I found an incredibly moving part of the book.  I also don’t remember the ending of the book very clearly, but I’m pretty sure the filmmakers took some creative license to Hollywood-ify the last few sequences into some sort of happy ending.  In the end, I’m glad that I watched it, but definitely not one of my favorite films.

the correction

By jennifer Posted in 25/25


So I started my 25/25 challenge for the rest of 2012 with The Corrections, but I had a profound realization that I just can’t handle Jonathan Franzen books any longer. In fact, after the torturous but in-the-end rewarding experience with Freedom, I don’t really understand what motivated me to pick up The Corrections instead of trying something new. I find some sort of perverse thrill from reading about families & relationships on the rocks, and reality TV usually provides me with an unhealthy dose of that. But then when I’m curling up in bed at the end of the night, excited to read a good story, the last thing that I want is to deal with family drama — especially drama that isn’t from my own family. There’s something about his writing that hooks me in, and really gets me going, so much that I start really relating to characters that I, in fact, don’t want to relate to. I guess the thing you need to know about me is that my subconscious is extremely prone to fiction — specifically to fully entering the very soul and mind of the fictional characters that I even mildly connect with. It’s some sort of weakness that has always enabled me to do really well on reading comprehension and any sort of literary analysis, but actually threatens to paralyze me in my daily life — or more likely, I’ll just start actually acting like the characters that I may strongly despise in the book.

This happens to me even stronger in films. Cough it up to the fact that I was a film major in college, but when I watch a film, I get fully, entirely, 100% immersed in the characters that I subconsciously start making facial gestures like them and try to copy their accents, speech rhythms, and word choices. I think this might be why I’m really good at learning languages as well. But, what I realized with reading The Corrections, is that I have to be really careful about the 25 books and 25 movies that I choose to read because they could literally shape my subconscious for the rest of the year. I don’t know if this is normal or a common phenomenon, but it always kind of freaks me out that I am so invested in fiction.

So even though I haven’t finished The Corrections, which I feel kind of bad about, I’m moving on to Swamplandia! in the hopes that my subconscious will latch onto characters that are ok to relate to.

25 / 25

By jennifer Posted in 25/25, Art History, eBooks

I just found out about the fifty-fifty challenge through KPBS online and seeing that it’s quite unrealistic for me to being this challenge almost mid-way through the year, I’ve decided to start it, but cut it in half.  So, the goal, my friends, will be to read 25 books and watch 25 films in 2012.  I’m going to count my art history books in that 25, but hopefully will throw in some good fiction and creative non-fiction as well.

Inspired by my first trip to Powell’s Books and the fact that I’m working for Kaya Press, I’m going to make sure that some of those books are actual, physical books rather than just those digital whimsies that magically appear on my Kindle.  Perusing through Powell’s, I realized how much I love the look and feel of books — the weight, the rough edges of hand-cut paper, the beauty of a well-designed cover.

Even contemplating joining the Indiespensable club or at least figuring out how Kaya can get involved.  If only I had an endless book-buying fund…

small victory

By jennifer Posted in Academia, Academic Publishing, Art History, Symposia

All my hard-work spent tweeting during CAA a few weeks ago paid off when I was quoted TWICE in the online Art History Newsletter for my comments:

“Academic publishing as a colonization of intellectual property.”

“F1219 – yes, everyone in the rooms has memorized the library of congress call number for Pre-Columbian art history.”

And TWICE more in this episode:

” ‘Aztec rulers were cool and hot’ – Emily Umberger”

“Love the idea of 4-dimensional calendars integrated into the Olmec landscape.”

This might not seem like much, but in this epic battle for a PhD, it’s certainly something!

archive love

By jennifer Posted in Academia, Archive, Art History

There are few things I love more in life than a really great archive.  Well, maybe not in my whole life, but definitely in my academic life.  A good archive makes you feel productive even when you’re not really finding anything special.  And when you do find something special, a good archive rewards you with more.  A good archive is there for you when you’re about to give up — when you think it has nothing more left to give.  Just when you’re thinking about flying home early, that archive pulls you in and says, “not yet.  don’t go!”  A good archive lets you take its photo and doesn’t require extra careful handling.  It’s durable, but still leaves pieces of itself in your hands.

I FINALLY found something actually written by Eufemio Abadiano and that’s actually related to the selling of the collection (much of which ended up in Sutro’s hands).  So far, so good.  There’s still about 7 books I need to go through, but this little document above is like a piece of heaven sent down by Eufemio himself.  Gracias, amigo.

Abadiano on the brain

By jennifer Posted in Academia, Archive, Art History, Mexico

I’m at the Sutro Library trying to get as much done as possible before they close for 2 months.  I’m looking at anything related to Eufemio Abadiano in their collections — and I mean anything!  I’ve included a sample of receipts for you to get a sense of how detailed the receipts are, but, alas, the receipts aren’t exactly what I’m looking for.  Sure, it’s interesting to see who bought what book, or how much you paid for a few candles each week, but all the documents are before Eufemio’s time.  There are some books that the Abadiano’s published and I’ve been able to track their relocations across Mexico City (or perhaps just the foundation of multiple stores).  AND the most exciting thing is that I think I figured out how Abadiano got his name (from the town of Abadaño in the Basque region of Spain!).  All that is super fantastic and are pieces of the puzzle.  But I’m not quite there yet.  I have to get there in the next 2 days though.  And that’s the trouble with research on a limited time frame.

rules for the research road

By jennifer Posted in Uncategorized

I’m in the middle of a 4-week conference & research trip series that takes me through LA, Chicago, San Francisco, and Oaxaca. I’m a pretty seasoned traveler, but even I get burnt out during this marathon session. Here are a few lessons that I’ve learned:

  1. Pick the shortest flights possible. Even if it’s a bit more expensive, a direct flight is always better. No time spent waiting in airports, eating their expensive food and paying for wifi.
  2. If you do have a layover, pick a good airport to have it in. From now on, I’m all about SFO. The new terminals are gorgeous with wine bars, spas, and a full-blown candy store!
  3. If you have the option, book early and fly Virgin America. There’s nothing better than landing in an airport listening to Billy Holiday.
  4. If you get lost (and you will), enjoy the ride. Today I took the wrong bus and arrived half an hour late, but at least I got to see more of San Francisco.
  5. Always carry $2.00 in exact change if you’re planning on using the Muni. Ok — that’s a bit specific, but definitely check ahead of time with how public transportation works.
  6. Invest in a light, fast laptop with a long battery and lots of memory.
  7. I never really believed in the whole bring your own toiletries in mini disposable bottles thing, but having tried it, I’m convinced. It’s like a little slice of home. Or, be really luxurious and invest in a L’Occitane travel set.
  8. Definitely get enough sleep and drink enough water.
  9. If you have to choose between a banana and a cookie, pick the cookie. Traveling is tough and sometimes you just need a little piece of decadence to remind yourself the joys of traveling. Or follow my lead and find the nearest spa (preferably a Bliss at a W Hotel) for an evening pedicure.

 

cafe ipe lounge

By jennifer Posted in Uncategorized

There is perhaps no greater joy in grad student life than studying in coffee shops.  Cafe Ipe Lounge recently opened in Leucadia and along with fantastic coffee, they have live music on Saturdays and Sundays.  Another reason to love living in North County San Diego (as if I needed another one).